It's Not a Freaking Grenade
by BennieWaffles
Summary: A cursed object. Innocent people, victims of unwanted information. Gold, blood—and utter mortification. Random one-shot. Kind of hilarious. Clace? AH. OOC. Rated Kplus.


**It's Not a Freaking Grenade** _/One-shot_

 **Sum: A cursed object. Innocent people, victims of unwanted information. Gold, blood—and utter mortification. Random one-shot. Kind of hilarious. Clace? AH. OOC. Rated Kplus.**

 **A/N: Honestly, I don't even know where this idea came from. Except I do, pretty much this exact scene happened to me, but why the fuck am I writing a fanfiction about it? No idea.**

 **Can I just say? Boys are so fucking clueless sometimes, honestly it makes me laugh. I'm not going to spoil what you're about to read, but you'll understand my point when you do. Reminder: this** ** _actually happened_** **. My god. I mean, it's sort of adorable that they're** ** _that_** **clueless, but who the fuck can be** ** _that_** **clueless? By the way this didn't** ** _exactly_** **happen, because I don't have a boyfriend—or a Jace. But I'd like one of both.**

 **I'll stop distracting you now, and let you read this lovely not-awkward-at-all one-shot.**

 **Hey, I remembered to do a disclaimer. So... disclaimer.**

 **Enjoy :)**

...

...

...

It was one of the last classes of the year, and teachers could not give a shit anymore, apparently.

Mrs. Whitewillow leaned back casually in her chair, shutting her eyes and almost snoozing off, before someone interrupted her.

''Erm, Ma'am, you do know that... well—your class is already in the classroom?''

Without opening her eyes, she answered. ''Yes, thank you Mr. Kyle, I'm very well aware. Frankly, I'm too tired to teach today. Do whatever you want,'' She opened her eyes as she seemed to hesitate, ''Which means I will be in the teacher's room, so I can sleep peacefully without being disturbed. Don't be too loud, and I'll know when you leave this room. Stay until the bell rings.''

Everyone was way too afraid of Mrs. Whitewillow to object, let alone disobey. A collective sigh went through the classroom as the She-Devil left, a feeling of relief settling over everyone.

Clary couldn't help but silently whisper a prayer, to no one in particular, after the sound of the She-Devil's click-clacking heels subsided into nothingness.

After a complete silence filled the room, and the hallways outside, for more than 30 seconds exactly, everyone burst out of their seats and went to sit with their friends.

Jace, her boyfriend, who was currently seated at the table next to her, let out an over-dramatic sigh.

Clary ignored him.

Another sigh sounded, louder and more dramatic.

And another one.

''Can you shut up?''

''Pft,'' he looked at her incredulously, ''I'm _me_. Of course I can't.''

''Well, unlike _you_ , I'm actually occupying myself with something productive, for which I need to focus. So, I'll ask again, _shut up_ ,'' she had no clue why she even started dating him. Except that he was insanely hot, and kind, and cute, and sweet, and caring, and—

''My dear, that wasn't a question,'' _God_ , his smirk was mesmerising. And annoying.

''My dear, I don't give a damn,'' she mocked him.

His eyes trailed to the sketchbook in front of her, which she had grabbed before class had even started.

He observed silently for a bit, while she shaded a bit more with a graphite pencil.

''The gold needs to be deeper.''

A scoff, ''You're saying that about your own eyes? Arrogant much?''

One of his own eyes slid shut in a sly wink, ''You know it.''

She hated to admit it, but he was totally right.

The man on the paper sat in the same position Jace was now sat in, with the same smirk brightening his features. His arm was thrown over the back of his chair carelessly, his other hand resting on the desk. She had cut off half of the latter hand, and the rest of the desk, due to laziness, which allowed her to spend more time on perfecting the tiniest details. The subtle curls and different shades of his hair as the sun hit it, all the way down to his cuticles and bitten nails. The only difference between the drawing and real life in that moment, was the background. The background was recognizably a Science class, _not_ English. Y'know, because she started with this drawing during Science. _Three weeks ago_.

It wasn't due to lack of the real life image that it had taken so long—she sat next to him almost every class, and he was always as arrogant as ever—but it was due to never being able to capture that exact look in his eyes as he watched her.

And if she found out that it was all due to the _fucking_ shade of gold, she'd be thoroughly pissed, especially because he noticed it before she did.

He grinned, ''I'm right, aren't I?''

'' _Shut up_.'' It wasn't the smartest comment she'd ever made, but hey, it would do.

Gracefully—note the sarcasm—she leaned diagonally out of her seat to reach her rugsack, which was _way_ too far away for the lazy arse she was.

She always kept all of her pencils and pens in the front pocket, and she'd already taken most of them out to continue her sketch with, but she had a limited edition, custom pencil case with really expensive coloured pencils, and quite unusual shades. Also known as the case in which she kept the perfect Jace-shade.

The bag was propped against her leg to stop it from falling over, as she blindly rummaged through the pocket with her hand in search of the box. It shouldn't've been too hard to find a case of pencils, but mind you, she carried at least 7 cases like that with her wherever she went.

Finally, victoriously, she pulled out the case, which she could recognize by only the feel of it. It just felt more expensive, y'know?

However, to her horror, another object had gotten stuck in the case, which practically flew out due to the force she had used to retrieve the case.

It landed about a metre away from her. Her cheeks instantly flamed.

A tampon.

 _God_ , she was mortified. Instantly, she prepared herself for the undeniable teasing from Jace that would soon follow.

To her surprise, it didn't.

No, instead, _to her surprise_ , Jace launched himself out of his seat and practically across the room, creating a distance of at least two metres between himself and the apparently oh-so-frightening tampon.

He immediately drew the attention of other classmates, who looked at him in a confused manner.

''Jace, what's up?''

No words passed his lips, which she swore were quivering, instead he pointed a lone finger at the tampon.

Jordan's face turned from confused to horrified.

'' _Oh god_ , is that _used_?''

Clary blinked at him, raising both her eyebrows. ''There's a wrapper around it.''

Soon enough, the poor tampon, an apparently damned object, had drawn all the male attention in the room, while the females rolled their eyes, or laughed at how stupid the men were.

''Are you on your period _right now_? As in, there's _blood_ coming out of your vagina, _as we speak?_ ''

Were they actually being serious right now? ''... No.''

Another guy responded, ''So why have you got _that thing_ with you?''

''Seriously, guys? Because I don't know when my period will start.''

Finally, Jace seemed to come to his senses. ''S-so you push _that thing_ inside of you?!''

She wanted to die. She wanted the ground to open up beneath her and carry her straight to hell. ''Yes, that's the general concept of a tampon.''

Raphael, another friend of hers, turned slightly green. ''So there's, like, blood on your hands and stuff?''

In general, all of the girls seemed like they wanted to die and go straight to the afterlife, on the condition that there was nothing related to menstruation there.

''There's this handy dandy invention called _soap_.''

Bat, an admittedly more dense guy, spoke up, equally as disgusted as the rest of them, ''You push soap _up there_?''

All of the guys looked even _more_ disgusted.

Had they lost all common sense?

'' _No_ , you wash your hands you _shitdip!_ ''

She was so intensely frustrated she even managed to screw up a basic curse, but it got the point across. ''Oh,'' a collective sound amongst the guys.

Simon, her best friend, didn't seem comforted in the slightest. It appeared that he was having a staring contest with the tampon, looking intensely worried. ''Is it going to explode?''

'' _How on earth would it explode?!_ '' What the actual fuck were they thinking? It was just a tampon!

He started making wild gestures with his hands as an attempt to explain, or emphasize the explosion, ''With, like... blood, and stuff!''

''THE WRAPPER IS STILL AROUND IT.''

Tired of it all, Clary went to pick the tampon off the ground and store it safely in the front pocket of her rugsack.

All of the guys launched themselves as far away as they could, some of them releasing frightened screams.

She felt the need to clarify, ''It's not a fucking grenade, calm down!''

Luckily, the bell started ringing soon enough, allowing her to flee from the damned prison of utter mortification.

As soon as she was seated in Jace's car, with him looking a little bit paler than usual, she allowed herself to relax.

Jace kept shooting nervous glances her way, which she responded to with glares, all the way to her house.

She raised her eyebrows at him, awaiting his goodbye.

''I don't think I'm going to want to have sex with you any time soon.''

She rolled her eyes.

''Love you too.''

 **A/N: This took me way longer than it was supposed to. My crush kept interrupting by DM'ing me. Like, dude, back the fuck off. Only, don't. I need you.**

 **Recommendation of the day: I finally finished History Is All You Left Me, by Adam Silvera, and you can safely say I cried all the way through it. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. Black Mirror is definitely worth the watch, my personal favourite is season 3. The anime Violet Evergarden on Netflix is also really good, in my opinion at least. I also really liked The End of the F**king World, because it's simple and not really sweet at all. That's really all I can conjure up at the moment.**

 **No-no's of the day: *possible spoilers* The Cloverfield Paradox. I mean, I kind of liked it, but I just can't see it fitting into the Cloverfield series at all. I honestly can barely see the connection between the two. Cloverfield, the first and second one, were primarily focused on the creatures that came to earth, whereas I have no idea where Paradox fits into the timeline. How did they get rid of the creatures? Did they? Why else could there be an energy shortage? Whas the creature shown at the end the main creature in the first movie? Or did they miraculously get rid of that creature and conjured up** ** _another one_** **? If it is another one, why does it seem like it's the first one? The boyfriend of the main character talks about it like it's the first one that's ever come to earth? I'm so confused. I haven't read any reviews, so maybe I'm just too stupid to see the connection or something.**

 **Anyway, I'm rambling too much. So...**

 **Favourite the story :)**

 **Follow me :* (or the story, but it's a one-shot so it won't be of much use)**

 **Review :D**

 **Waffles out.**


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